Memory Tree returns to help Manitobans in mourning during holidays

A tradition to help those mourning loved ones through the holidays has returned.

While this time of year may mean joy and cheer for many, the season can bring up painful memories for those experiencing loss.

To help Winnipeggers through the grief and to foster healing, Palliative Manitoba has now lit their Memory Tree for 2024, which invites community members to hang a card on its branches in memory of a loved one who has passed away.

“Talking about grief is a way to lessen the effect of it,” said Wayne Sandler, Palliative Manitoba’s interim executive director. “To not feel alone, to be able to feel connected to others in their world.”

As part of the tradition, now in its 37th year, St. Vital Centre was filled with music on Thursday, courtesy of the Collège Jeanne-Sauvé choir. A crowd of roughly 100 gathered for the Memory Tree’s lighting.

Sandler, who lost his only sister last year, found himself taking comfort in speaking about his own grief with others who were in mourning while working the Memory Tree table, adding part of the effort is starting a larger dialogue about death.

“Often, people have a tough time talking and thinking about death, whether it’s happened or impending,” he said. “Part of our goal is to change the conversation about death and dying, and enable people to open up a little bit more about their fears and their worries.”

However, he says they understand talking about a loss – past or recent – can be hard.

“Some people will walk away, right? Because it’s still really difficult for them to even think about death. But that’s our mission, to gently talk about that,” he said, acknowledging there’s a number of reasons why this time of year might be hard.

“People are often getting together in celebratory times, and sometimes that can feel a little lonely for people,” he said. “So that’s why the Memory Tree happens now; it’s a way to add a special, giving spirit to the community during this tough time.”

Susan Fletcher was writing a card for her late mother, something she does every year. She says connection to others feeling loss, especially for seniors, is vital.

“It’s important to share memories of your loved ones; don’t try not to talk about it,” she said. “The healing comes, the pain lessens when you share your stories and memories.”

She says older members of the community experience death and loss in a number of different ways, and on a number of different levels, from emotionally, to physically, to financially.

“Sometimes, you lose your health,” she said. “You lose your home and you have to downsize. There are many different ways that seniors grieve.”

While Sandler says there are various reasons for people to fill out cards to adorn the Memory Tree’s branches, he feels the writing of messages carries a great importance.

“That’s to release the messages,” he said. “And then depending on people’s beliefs of what that means, it means that maybe their loved ones might receive the message.”

Members of the public are invited to hang cards on the Memory Tree until Christmas. But the messages’ journey don’t stop there, as participants are invited back in spring to gather for a ceremonial burning of the cards.